The Social Networking of Love
You don’t get to rule over 500,000,000 subjects without making a few revolutionaries.
It was a cold, brisk, and beautiful night over the land of Tumblr. Things were prosperous, yet very troubling. The civil wars that rung through the town caused a disconsolate carnage through the streets every night. The wars gave the queen a terrible heartache, especially since she had lost her father to these rebellions. Her father, King MySpace, was assassinated in attempt to usurp the crown from the royal family. This attempt went in vain as Princess Tumblr valiantly stepped up to the throne and ruled with an iron fist.
The bloodbath was not on Queen Tumblr’s mind this starlit night. As the moon shone down over her opulent palace, all she could think about was how dashing her lover looked in the glowing, elegant moonlight through the secret #Spoiler Tag Garden, which rarely was entered. Though Tumblr loved Facebook dearly, she knew she was having an unorthodox love affair that the world would frown upon greatly, and likely have her overthrown. She took a deep breath as she went to greet her lover as she did nightly.
“Hello, Tumblr,” King Facebook of the Facebook Kingdom spoke in a swooning whisper.
“The fangirls have released you, I see,” Tumblr giggled back in the same quiet tone. Facebook glanced down to his shoes glumly.
“There aren’t many left, to be honest, my love. They’re all fleeing Facebook Kingdom for your country and….Twittersville…” Facebook spoke in an almost horrified, reluctant tone.
“It will get better, Facebook, we’ll do this, together,” Tumblr insisted.
“It will never work! Unless we can get 1,000 likes on a sad picture on a page, our love will never be supported!” Facebook nearly shouted.
“jnkjnbkjrnbkjbnkj;!!!!1111” Tumblr screamed back, “But you give me so many feels! You and me are my OTP and even though Twitter and I have an arranged betrothal, it’s my nOTP!”
“I wish things would work…But I’m so busy….unliking all of these pages that were liked upon during the dark ages…” Facebook muttered from the recollection of his strenuous work.
“I couldn’t imagine….plus, think of all the notes they’d lose in my nation…And, there’s already rebellion still sparking with the civil war between the hipsters and the fandoms families. I don’t know wAT TO DO!!!11 I CAN’T- I’M LIKE 300% DONE WITH THOSE PEOPLE.”
“But…you aren’t done with me, we could be…together…even if no one knows…” Facebooj said lovingly as he took his lover by the hands.
“You know that would only force upon my death by increasing uprisings. You know how much my people hate your people….and your nation!” Tumblr rationalized sadly.
“It isn’t fair! All that’s left of my citizens are people who pose horribly in the streets! I swear, I think they’re al ducks! Spoiled ducks! They cry thorough the streets that the iPhone I provided was not enough or about their romantic affairs! They post it publicly throughout the land! And, n one gives a damn!” Facebook vented.
“At least you can have an opinion without….the SJW…they’re so radical in their movement, I’m afraid of the influence they’ll have on either the hipsters or the fandoms…they’re tearing my nation to shreds…” Tumblr muttered as she clutched her reblog button.
“We’ll always have each other.” Facebook vowed, “Through all the timelines and crappy post system updates…I’ll be there.”
“But Twitter!” Tumblr cried.
“What about Twitter?!” Czar Twitter II shouted from the castle.
“Twitter! How long have you been there?” Tumblr cried.
“It doesn’t matter! Long enough! How long have you been doing this!?” Twitter shouted as he felt the pang of betrayal.
“I-I’m sorry! JNJKBNRBKJGBRJG nOPE!” Tumlr cried.
“Why whould you even go to him? He is twice your age! Your people are at war! They hate him! His people!” Twitter cried.
“It isn’t his fault! And, I love him! I needed a man of more substance! More than 140 characters!” Tumblr shouted.
“You could go to Princess YouTube! She loves you!” Tumblr cried.
“For the love of Google Almighty!” Twitter shouted, “Why would Google have put us on this Internet if not to love and serve the masses? Do you wish to go to the crashed debugging hell?!?! SPEND ETERNITY WITH INTERNET EXPLORER HIMSELF??”
“NO, BNKJGNBK TWITTER STAHP!!!! I CAN’T-!” Tumblr cried.
“Well, you’ll be shouting ‘what is air’ tomorrow for sure, when I’m through!” Twitter yelled, “As your fiancé, I’ll do off with the cheater as well, say your prayers to Google, for you’re through as well, Facebook!”
“No! You can have me! I’m almost done anyway! I’ve had my shares! My Likes! My Comments! My fame! Tumblr….so many people depend on her as a safe haven…let her live, take me…” Facebook offered, “I’m the traitor.”
“No, Facebook!” Tumblr cried through tears.
“Very well!” Twitter announced, “Guards, send tumblr to bed and make sure she doesn’t go on some kind of SIGNAL BOOST TO PREVENT THIS! As for Facebook….he’s to be closed by morning, every URL made invalid, send up the 404s and all. Facebook will be no more.”
“I LOVE YOU TUMBLR, NEVER FORGET ME! MAYBE 3,000 LIKES WILL SAVE ME!” Facebook cried as the Yahoo! guards took her love away, never to be seen again.
“Now…we’re just fanon….I need a fanfic alternate ending….this…ouch….my feeligns….this is too much….-insert reaction gif here-….my love.” Tumblr cried softly, “Now you’re just somebody who I used to know.”
“Tomorrow, we shall be canon…” Twitter said with a devious tweet to his people. It shall be done and he shall be no more. Their engagement for political reign will be done. The tumblr will no longer be the blogging site they knew and love. Mark Twitter’s words.
END BOOK ONE.